Insanity scares me

insanityInsanity scares me.

I lost several friends to insanity this far.

It’s more friends than I have lost to car accidents. More than I lost to cancer.

I am at that time in life where I am not old enough to have lost many friends to aging, but old enough to have many friends already. However I have lost less friends to crime, murder, aging, accidents, addiction or war than I have lost to insanity.

The first one was a school friend that took his own life at 13 years old. Another killed his girlfriend in a rage of jealousy and killed himself, leaving a dramatic message on the walls, written with blood and lipstick. Her blood and her lipstick. Another friend I lost to religious fanaticism, then another became incoherent and violent and soon got committed to an institution.

I guess it scares me so much because there is nothing I can do or say to them that will bring them back to “being in contact with reality and normalcy”. I was so painful to see my childhood friend talking to himself on the streets, preaching to the traffic on the streets, distant, incomprehensible, just the body of my friend while his mind, and the personality, that I knew and missed so much wasn’t there anymore.

I sometimes think that it is some kind of Darwinian selection process that cuts off those that are not so well adapted to modern life out of it. But that idea is also disturbing. I don’t understand it well, I just suffer.

Tulio, Luis, Marcelo, Nani, Vic, Karen, Caio… and the list goes on…

I think I just miss my friends.   🙁