New words you should know

Adminisphere (n.): The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the ‘adminisphere’ are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded “administrivia” – needless paperwork and processes.

Aeroplane blonde (n.): One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Assmosis (n.): The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

Belzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Carnivoyeur (n.): A vegetarian (or vegan) who digs watching others chomp on cooked flesh.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Ego Surfing (v.): Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one’s own name.

Family Planning (n): the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

Hors D’Oeuvres (n.): A sandwich cut into 20 pieces

Ignoranus (n.): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Karmageddon (n.): Its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease.

Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.

Politics (n.): A word composed by combining two smaller words, one greek (Poli = many) and one English (Ticks = blood sucking creatures)

Recycleopath (n.): Person who is militant when it comes to recycling and goes apeshit when you accidentally forget to separate one lousy plastic water bottle from a bag of trash.

SITCOM’S (n.): Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a ‘home business’.

Starter Marriage (n.): A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Sterilize (v.): What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Wrinkles (n.): Something other people have. You have character lines.